More Than Science

Crazy Week

2012-02-04T14:02:00.001-05:00

I have had a crazy week, juggling my own work and now three students. 'Cruella' had stated at the end of last year that she would be in charge of the undergrads (mind you stepping in after I taught them all the basics). She made a huge deal of this, I've never complained about doing it in fact I prefer one-on-one teaching than being a postdoc. So here we are in February and she has not even made an attempt to even talk to them. All she does is sit in her office, browse PubMed and terrorize the handful of people that actual decide to work for her.

What she fails to realize is how much work goes into 'teaching' undergrads who are either non-bio majors (public heath to be precise) or just sophomore and take one bio class per semester. Each comes for six hours/week in addition to a an exchange student from a different country who follows me around all day long. I don't even have time to check my email, in fact I don't even have a computer. I use a lab desktop attach to a plate reader because she refuses to buy a computer, which other people use on and off during the day.

I should be in lab now but I'll go in later, I'm tired. I have to use the weekends to recuperate from the week with her and the lab and it's hard to get up out of bed. Plus I applied for a somewhat science related part-time job for which I have to do some training for which I want to get done this weekend.

..........................

In lab again

2012-01-28T17:59:00.001-05:00

I really need to avoid coming to lab on the weekends. I'm only here because I'm doing a cell proliferation assay and I can actually get to think in peace and quite away from Cruella (also known as my PI). I was to go to a conference that was coming up in March and she informed me that she won't be paying for the registration fee. In other words she wanted me to shell out a $1000 to pay up front for this conference. Even if I had it I would not pay that much out of pocket. This particular conference wants you to pay up front and then if you get a travel award, they wil reimburse you the money. Still as a single postdoc I do not have $1000 lying around and it being winter all the money trees have lost their leaves.

On a more positive note I have a friend in industry who has been kind enough to serve as a sort of mentor and has looked over my CV/resume. So when I get home tonight I'll be working on that and some cover letters.

2012-01-10T19:48:00.000-05:00

Happy 2012!!!!

I've been a post doc for 1 year and 41 days!!!!

This year has already started out rough. My current PI is officially certifiably crazy there is no pleasing her and today was a perfect example. She is applying for a grant in a field she has no, zero expertise in apart from what I bring to the table. From day one I have offered to help her with every and anything, the science, the admin, etc. she said no, she does not need or want help. But yet she ask me to make a check- list which I did, the budget which I did. Then she gave me a copy of the 6 page-grant and I read through it, highlighted keys experiments that only people in the field would know and the reviewers would expect to see, grammar, spelling etc. It was due at Admin yesterday, today she told me she's not going to pursue this one anymore because I DID NOT HELP HER. That is how my 10 days of 2012 have been. What she really wants is someone to be at her beckon call and to sort through all her issue and not actually do any science at all. Then where will the preliminary results come from? Mars

It's a good thing I am job hunting :)

Grants, Papers...OMG I need a real JOB

2011-11-20T16:40:00.002-05:00

Well I've been a postdoc for 11 months and 20 days.....

My first paper has been officially accepted and is in print.

I spent a couple of days this month recruiting for my institution as an alum/postdoc at a national conference, where I also served as a judge (I also won a travel award). I like the recruiting aspect and could see myself doing it as a job, except for when the airline looses a piece of luggage.

My F32 was reviewed this week and went unscored, ouch. Am I upset, no because I knew it wouldn't stand a chance in the study section they assigned it to (which I didn't request). It was doomed from day one. Oh well maybe it was a good thing, now I won't be stuck in research with a grant and won't feel bad when I have to leave for a real job in a year (keeping my fingers crossed). I'm taking this as a sign that I really need to focus on what kind of a career I want and work towards it.

My two undergrads are getting ready to give their end of semester presentations. I have a new student coming for from France for Spring 2012.

My Ph.D lab is basically bankrupt and my advisor is desperate so he really wants to publish a part of my thesis (which he has turned into a lab effort). He also is making this a huge focus of his R01. If memory serves me right this was a project he had no interest in for years and I labored (without his knowledge) over it. Look whose still keeping this lab afloat even a year after she left?

One thing I heard through the grape vine is how suddenly the author list has grown. I've made myself clear that I won't take anything less than second author or co-first author (I left the project to a postdoc whom I had asked to help me with it). And if there are any difficulties I just have to remind them that I copyrighted this project and all other work in my dissertation.

I think I've made my first industry contact with a research and development rep from a big company. I need to nurture this because I'll be looking for a job soon.

Well that's all for now folks......

Still hanging on....

2011-08-06T13:09:00.000-04:00

to the life raft of scientific research...

I have been a postdoc for 9 months and 6 days!!!!

F32 grant submitted to NIH, no errors or warnings. Keeping my fingers crossed. That was a rough experience not only writing the actual grant but going through my institutions administration.

Now on to exploring some non-goverment funding opportunities.

First manuscript of postdoc will be submitted next Tuesday. Again keeping fingers crossed.

I've been invited to be a reviewer for a journal.

Three papers maybe coming out of my thesis. Keeping my fingers crossed but not holding my breath.

My undergrad student comes back in the Fall must think up of a few projects.

Getting another student for 9 weeks in the spring.

Recently decided this may be my first and last postdoc; the stipend is barely keeping up with the cost of living and being single makes it worse.

I'll make an effort to update this blog more.

Update

2011-04-20T08:17:00.000-04:00

Time as a postdoc: 4 months and 20 days

Today the department is having a retreat on campus and I have a poster to present. Things are moving along very well and I'm super busy I have a manuscript and a F32 due by June 30. The F32 this early because my PI and the administrator who submit the grants for our department are going on vacation 1st week of July for at least a few weeks. Once I get it in I can relax a bit, I'm planning on going to the mid-west for a few days while my PI is gone. I'm going a million different experiments for another paper due out later this year as well as teaching my undergraduate. We are doing a bioinformatic based project which my PI and I will do a review for later this year too. Also because the lab is small and the other two senior postdocs are useless I've somehow become the 'lab manager' making sure things are done and the lab tech gets her stuff plus lab stuff done.

So much to do and not enough hours in the day but I'm happy and pleased with the progress.

Pros and Cons of a Small Lab

2011-03-28T00:27:00.001-04:00

First I'll start off by saying I'm still alive!!!!!!!!!
So I've been a postdoc for 3 months and 28 days in a small lab with a PI whose main goal is to produce quality work and publish. How does this compare with being a graduate student from August 2003 to November 2010 in a medium sized lab with a PI who could care less about the work being done?
1. I already have a draft for a manuscript ready on work I've initiated and done since I began.
2. I'm already going to two conferences and presenting at one.
3. I've made connections with people who will be able to help me with my career goals.
4. I've been acknowledge and somewhat rewarded for my leadership and organizational capabilities.

Pros
1. The work done means something and will be used
2. 90% of the time you'll be an author on a paper
3. If you have a good mentor you can be directed in the right path early on and have more one on one (which maybe a good thing or a bad thing).
4. It's easy to see whose not puling their weight.

Cons
1. Some members can be very possessive of the work and not let anyone else help. Case and point our RO1 is up for competitive renewal and it so happens that the senior most post doc has done most of the work. But he's hoarding the results, so the PI doesn't know what has been done, what needs to be redone or what else needs to be done. I told her that this is very dangerous and if they keep arguing back and forth before long the deadline will be upon us and grant still isn't ready.
2. PIs can be a little bit too involved, wanting to actually be at the bench (which is not necessarily a good thing).
3. everyone is responsible for the same things, which leads to nothing but chaos.

I'm still trying to get stuff out from my old lab but my old advisor is not very responsive. I can do nothing but try and move on.

.......

2011-02-09T23:34:00.000-05:00

Well I've been a postdoc for almost two and a half months. So far things are moving along at a nice, rapid pace if that makes sense. It is so much different from my PhD lab, my new PI is actually focused on publishing and my career. We're already outlining three papers, talking about conferences, seminar presentations, collaborating with other labs etc. It's such a breath of fresh air to do science that is taken seriously, appreciated and will be (hopefully published), no it will be published. I want to use this first year to get stuff published so that when I apply for my first grant which may or may not be in this lab, my publication record will be strong.

My new PI is a bit crazy and is not really liked in our department because she doesn't filter her thoughts before she speaks and it offends people more like hurts their feelings. At least she's honest and says it like it is, she's had a lab for quite awhile now and is looking to move make waves once again (she did over 10 yrs ago) by taking advantage of new technologies etc. So maybe I left my old lab and joined this one at the right time.

I'll blog more I've just been lazy.

Entering a Postdoc World

2010-12-01T06:56:00.000-05:00

Today is the first day of my postdoctoral fellowship :o Any tips/advice? I don't think I'm nervous.

I'm done!

2010-11-19T23:11:00.000-05:00

I have finally reached the end of a long hard road. I had my thesis defense today and next week I drop off my dissertation and paper work!!!!!!

Paper Work

2010-10-19T11:47:00.000-04:00

So much paper work to do within the next month, it's a little overwhelming.

I have get my dissertation on acid free paper, submit it, get the receipt. Then take it along with another copy of dissertation and 100 other pieces of papers to my program office. I have to print extra copies for my PI, 2nd reader, parents, myself, and two other people.

Then I have to start filling out a bunch of stuff for my postdoc appointment and submit those. So much to do :o

Almost the end

2010-10-14T15:22:00.000-04:00

Well, I've set a date for my defense Nov 19th!!!!!!! It's the last possible date I can have it before handing in my dissertation before the library (where we submit dissertations etc) closes for Thanksgiving. It won't open back until the first week of December which will be after my postdoc starts (Dec 1st).

Well that's my brief update, until next time my fellow scientists and friends :)

2010-09-15T23:57:00.006-04:00

So I've accepted a postdoc position and as of December 1, I will no longer be in the lab from hell or under the feet of Satan, oops my PI. It's at my current institution and I accepted this one because frankly we have the best health insurance on the planet as long as you get treated there. Since I'm not done with my post cancer checkups etc and so far if I was in the real world, with real world insurance I'd have to sell my soul to pay the bills. My other acceptance I turned down because you have to pay out of pocket for state insurance (at least a portion) and I would not be able to afford it. So for the next 2-3 years I can really be a scientist and get a couple of papers. It's a new field and there are opportunities to collaborate (which never happened in my current lab).

So I'm happy, I have to cut my loses in this lab and focus on trying to get a paper out (they same paper that my thesis committee told my PI and I to write 4 years ago). He realized that it was an almost complete paper when he finally read the first draft of my dissertation. The same paper he said he had no interest in, is the same one we have to send out, it would have been a great paper if we had worked on it more but it's an okay paper. I just need a paper. Oh well I have learnt so many things in this lab mainly the type of person I do not want to be.

Many people have tried to figure out why my PI is the way he is, one paper in the last 5 years and he has no interest in publishing at all. One of the first people to join his lab when he joined this institution lost his tenure because he hadn't published (no productivity) anything since 2006, he's never trained a student or even a technician and PI treats him like a tech. So from Assistant Professor to paid employee and our PI could care less, this man has a family and a kid in college. Do you guys see what kind of person I'm stuck with, but in a few months it will be no more. He has no regards for other peoples' careers or professional futures. In all honesty (putting aside my personal feelings) he is a very poor mentor, I do not know why he has a lab if he's not producing any work and have no regards for anyone. What I don't understand how come no one is holding my PI accountable for his actions or lack thereof. We all seem to be suffering from his ego or craziness. A couple of times people have speculated that apart from being crazy he may actually be racist, I've been there since 2004 and I've seen how people of one flavor even if their incompetence is slapping you in the face get treated better than people of other flavors who work tirelessly on crappy projects only to be verbally abused (me), mental/emotional abuse (me). Perfect example despite coming to lab and working through my cancer and chemo trying to get experiments done and samples sent off, 2 months after my treatment ends he comes to my desk one day and says, "I'm glad you're not sick anymore so I don't have to be nice to you". That was in 2008 and after that I lost all respect for him, I can't even be in the same room with him.

I basically timed out of grad school and was asked to wrap up and leave but he makes it seem as if I'm the one who wants to escape (yes I do) but he failed and he failed me.

What to do?

2010-08-30T15:02:00.000-04:00

Still my PI has not given me any feedback on my thesis. I've already had two people read the two completed chapters and give me their feedback but nothing from him despite me reminding him. He really needs to stop being so childish, never in my life have I come across someone who behaves like this, who's so unprofessional and malicious. I've been able to put aside all the hurtful things he's said and done to me over the years. I still can to lab and do my work. He is a poor mentor, he's never done anything but criticize me and hurt me, never science related. Just because I have no interest in other peoples drama and could careless about what they do in or out of lab, I don't complain to him about others, I don't gossip, I just want to do my work and live my own life. For this he's labeled me 'the black sheep' and I can't get him to just leave me alone.

How many ways can I explain to a prospective PI the reason I have no first author papers without telling the truth about my PI?

They never ask so how was Dr. X as a mentor, how was the lab environment, why when I do a PubMed search on Dr. X there has been nothing but one paper in the last 5/6 years but he's has millions of dollars?

Don't ask me, you have his number call and ask him.... ask him why his ego is bigger than everyone else's, why we've missed out on me getting 5 papers, but he lets his colleagues scoop us and then says nor does anything.

I remember last year I had a meeting with my PI because I wanted to discuss how important it is for me to get a paper, I presented some ideas etc and he looked at me and asked me 'why did you do this?' and I explained. All he did was look at me and turn back around to face his desk.

He has hinted that I'm not welcomed to stay after I hand in my thesis, so I don't know how I'll get to finish up anything for that elusive paper. I wish I could go back in time and get a do over.

Best one yet....

2010-08-26T15:13:00.001-04:00

Today's postdoc interview was by far the best one yet. Not only in the possibility that this may actually happen but the conversation (science) was great. Of course I was asked about the length of time I spent in the lab and my lack of papers and I said "I learnt a lot and one or two may come out of my dissertation" so I think I scored some points on that front. We were talking about projects and the expertise I could bring in I gave suggestion which were well received, possible funding/grants I could get since I'm a citizen, career development stuff.

Overall I feel much calmer after this interview than I did the previous two.

2010-08-25T15:46:00.000-04:00

It's Wednesday already.....

I have two more postdoc interviews coming up; one tomorrow (at my current institution) and one next week at another school in my city. Both are in different fields but require a strong molecular biology background.

I have to do some reading.

Next Chapter....

2010-08-21T16:13:00.000-04:00

I'm almost done with the next chapter. It's basically one big chapter with 3 sub-chapters and I want to send it in Monday. That will leave the over all introduction and just putting the whole thing together, the seminar talk is basically done.

I can do this, I can do this...... I just have to stop procrastinating and write...

I got turned down one academic postdoc and three industry postdoc positions because I didn't have any first author publications (I only have one 2nd author).

I would like to thank my PI for basically screwing up my chances of seriously moving on in science. I may have to find someone at my current institution who will be willing to take me on for a year or two so I can get something published. I've applied for a lot of jobs and so far I've only been rejected by three so I hope this means that employers are really looking over my application. I wish I had a rich husband, I envy people who don't have to worry about bills and their financial future.

Since October is fast approaching and I have no prospects I couldn't renew my lease and will have to move back in with my parents until I find a job. They don't mind in fact they've been hounding me to come back home ever since I moved out for grad school 6 years ago (I lived with them the first year of grad school). The only problem is my sister and I don't really get a long with as she's very abusive esp towards my parents and they still let her live there (she's 27 got fired from her job because she was rude and abusive to her boss and coworkers. And she had a great job with awesome benefits).

I need something, anything with health insurance come November because living with cancer is not easy and god forbid I should relapse and get really sick I am screwed.

Good Feedback

2010-08-09T17:48:00.002-04:00

I got the first chapter back from my second reader and I was pretty pleased. There were hardly any corrections (he deleted like 10 words and added 20) and that was it. I am both relieved and pleased. If it's well written to begin with, the less work there will be in the end. He even commented that it was very well written and coming from him this is huge. As usual my PI has disappointed me he's had this chapter for over two weeks now and hasn't read it (after I reminded him) now he's gone on vacation for 2 weeks. Dude, seriously. Everyone is busy and the other reader is just as busy as you are with his responsibilites too. What he doesn't realize is that as long as a faculty member reads it (any faculty member) I'm good. Any other crucial paperwork can be done by my program director.

So as I write this I'm working on the next chapter, catching up on YouTube vids and Big Brother. All I've done is set up one PCR reaction I have no interest in science but to get this dissertation written and finding a job, any job at this point. My postdoc interview went well at least to me but I'm not sure if I really want to be in science????????

Now I'm going home, to do laundry and work on discussion for one section and some figures. I feel motivated this week.

One Down

2010-07-26T02:29:00.000-04:00

One chapter finished and submitted to both readers :) now to prep for my interview next week, then one to the next chapter.

Another day...

2010-07-24T20:46:00.000-04:00

I'm almost done with this chapter, I only have the discussion to finish and proof read one more time before sending it tomorrow. It will be sent tomorrow, I have to get it out and move on to the next one which I had already started (thank God). Writing is hard, made hard because I realized for this project although we have met the goals we haven't gotten any 'result' per say to even publish a paper and the one paper we could have published we got scooped. Oh well, I've learnt my lesson and in my next scientific life I won't make the same mistake.

What mistake is that? working for someone who is CRAZY!!!!

I have to use next week to work on my postdoc/job talk for my interview in Aug 3rd.

Then back to the dissertation grind.

Chugging along....

2010-07-20T11:36:00.003-04:00

I'm almost finished with this chapter and should hand it in before the week is out. I wish my institution had a set way on how the dissertation should be structured. I asked and was told everyone writes it differently, a lot of help that was thanks.

So I gave FPD (fake post doc) a second chance to redeem herself, yet she still has not done the westerns. Last week I told her to go ahead and just buy the reagents she's "familiar with". I came in one day last week and another postdoc was explaining to her how to do cloning. Well, since she doesn't know how to do it and the PI told her to do something she got another postdoc to do it for her and everyday day she's like "you're awesome, I'll buy you a beer" . Why don't you at least try to do your own work? In the last month, I've made 8 constructs, verified and tested them, have them injected into embryos, screened, imaged and have a new tg line on the system (ALL BY MYSELF) while writing my dissertation and screening for germline transmission for a tg mouse I made (ALL BY MYSELF).

And FPD still has not done the simple western.

I have zero respect for people who don't or can't do their own work, and they don't even try. It makes me so mad.

Let me get back to my work.

2010-07-15T17:20:00.000-04:00

Thesis writing is coming along, painfully coming along but I'm making progress. I've secured my second reader and should have a chapter out to him and my PI by next Monday.

I've found that making transgenic fish is a lot easier and quicker than making transgenic mice.

I have another post-doc interview the first week of August.

Fake PhDs

2010-06-25T18:21:00.000-04:00

I don't know how some people are granted PhDs in biomedical research and they can't do anything to save their lives. How can you come from a molecular biology/ cell culture lab with a PhD and you can't:

1. plate cells/ do cell culture

2. make media

3. do PCRs

4.western blots

5.read a recipe and make simple reagents

7. isolate DNA/RNA

8. transformations, cloning etc

How can you have a PhD and not know how to do any of these fundamental things? but give an interview/ presentation showing results that relied on these said skills.

Answer: Have some one else do them for you but not tell anyone or give them credit.

I am increasingly annoyed (as a grad student) from my encounters with postdocs who can't do JACK SHIT to save their lives, but yet your ass gets paid more than me.

Maybe it's just my lab that takes in these fakers but we have postdocs who can't do any of the above and many other things that I know how to do even techs know how to do.

Today's incident:

There is a postdoc who came from a lab that works on a protein that I am the only one in my lab that works on it (Protein M). Most of her papers are in vitro cell culture based with westerns etc. some on this protein but from a completely different approach. She's confessed on many occasion that they had a tech and a grad student in her old lab that did everything for them.

I worked on this protein M for a while and discovered something novel but it was a side project and as such got put on the back burner. When she got here she wanted to work on it not knowing that in my lab, I am the go to person. So she asked me if there was anything I was planning to do, I told her we have a manuscript we are working on but needed one or two more experiments to tie it together. So we discussed it and she agreed to look at the expression of Protein M in a series of cancer lines via simple Westerns and the interaction of Protein M with it's regulator Protein X via IP. And then knock down Protein X and probe for Protein M.

Is this difficult???

The reason I can't take this on is because I have three months left and other shit to do. She has been growing these cells forever, how hard is it to thaw, plate, trypsinize, re-plate, treat, collect, lyse. She's like the cells don't look good, I'm about to loose my patience with her.

Oh My God, now on to the westerns. She didn't know how to measure the protein and I showed her fine, it took her a while to calculate the concentration that we needed, then I was like everything is ready for you to go ahead and start.

She started to complain that she took for granted all the things the other people in her lab did for her, now that she has to do them herself. She complained that all the buffers in her lab were bought and why we make our own and she's not comfortable using home made reagents. I told her that in our lab western reagents are the same as the ones you buy, we just make own and because it's cheaper. She started to tear up I kid you not, I saw she was about to cry so I told her that if he's not comfortable doing it our way I have no problem doing it. No,no, no I'll do it, mind you the samples have been sitting out for a couple hours now, then she disappears for 2 hours, so I took back the samples and told her I'll do it. Then she like you can do this, do that. Bitch I don't need you to tell me how to do anything, unlike you I can do almost everything because having no techs in this lab, meant I had to do everything for myself.

I am so disappointed,so pissed because I don't have time to do this right now, so bewildered at people who essentially are faking it till they make it. I was straight forward with her before she started this, I told her you won't get credit for anything unless you do the work and I mean bench work. Anybody can discuss anything, I can go outside and find a crackhead and discuss science with him, but that doesn't mean he'll have his name on a paper.

A note to postdocs and students who are about to be postdocs, STOP FAKING IT, people will see right through you. If you don't know how to do something ask, if you 'published' something and you don't know how to do it, figure out a way to learn it.

STOP FAKING SCIENCE AND YOUR CVs

Dissertation Progress

2010-06-19T17:32:00.001-04:00

I'm making progress, I should have a draft ready the first week of July for my PI of the first chapter.

Outline:
Introduction - 2 sections
Chapter 1 - includes 3 sub-chapters and one paper
Chapter 2- may include 3 sub-chapters and a paper or two (maybe)
Conclusion/Summary
Bibliography
Appendices

On an unrelated note: when I joined this lab 6 years ago this bottle of NaCl was 1/2 full and today I used the last of it (tiny bagpipes are playing amazing grace). It has served us well and lasted a really long time.

It's never okay

2010-06-10T16:02:00.000-04:00

Is it ever okay for a PI to allow others (collaborators or not) to steal the work of his/her student? Especially when the student has spent countless years working on thesis related projects, and having promising results but then only to have them put on the back burner by the PI. Then out of the blue a collaborator who was not working on the topic publishes said student's project. But what's worse is the PI's reaction, "oh well he's very ambitious" or "he's the go to guy of this topic". What does that mean??????

My friends this has happened to me 4 times, yes 4 times and at the end of seven years I have no first author papers and have amassed a huge quantity of data that when I read the papers, I can flip through my lab books and match every result or image.

I honestly do not know what's wrong with my PI but I don't think it's okay to do this or allow it to happen. The only paper I'll have is on a little side project which I had to push forward to get done, because our 'friend' just published my main project, data for which we have been sitting on since 2006.

Finally I see the light....

2010-05-19T18:02:00.001-04:00

I'll be done October 1st!!!!!!!
I had my final thesis committee meeting last Thursday and I couldn't be happier, my chair and other committee members were very firm with my PI (who was acting out as always) and I finally got the go ahead. I'll defend, hand in my dissertation and prepare to submit a paper. Now I really have to get down to business and WRITE. Any tips?

Whoa is me!!!

2010-04-19T19:34:00.000-04:00

It's been a long, long time!!!!!

So I've been applying for a couple of jobs as getting a job somewhere will be the only way I can get out of this lab. My advisor is being very, very difficult, last Friday was the last straw. I told him we have a thesis committee meeting scheduled for next month and he basically doesn't think I should have one. Hello crazy I should be graduating next month but no, you refused to read my thesis and told me to stop working on the things the committee told me to finish up. I despise this man so I'm stepping up my job hunt because July coming will be the start of the 8th year and I'm at the same point I was last year. There is so much work that if he hadn't roadblocked could have been published.

I swear he's crazy but I'm no longer going on this ride with him. I'll be talking to my committee chair and program director tis week, someone has to 'knock' some sense into this ass.

Can you see my DNA????? this is the DNA from my "novel" gene that I cloned for my project and we've gotten so much interesting results but of course since we are making progress my advisor has to block progress.

When gold is not enough....

2010-02-21T10:25:00.002-05:00

Maybe it's just me but I've been noticing that the athletes in the Winter Olympics are truly in love with themselves. I am not a fan of sports in general, but every time I go online there are articles of athletes rewarding themselves whether or not they win or loose.

How narcissistic and desperate for attention can these people be that they make weird announcements or gift themselves extravagant things? Case in point this figure skater, dude seriously, isn't a medal enough.

What if scientists rewarded themselves every time an experiment worked? the NIH would be filing for bankruptcy. I just identified a new novel interaction between two genes never before reported, do I go to the Coach store and buy a bag (that I have been eying like forever) with grant money, no, buy a car, go on a fancy trip stay in a 5-star hotel and write it off as a conference, NO!

These people need to stop this foolishness.

Back to reality

2010-02-14T11:30:00.000-05:00

'Snowmaggedon' is over and back to the realities of life i.e lab, dissertation, manuscript, lots of work and reading Getting a week off was good and bad, I was not productive at all but now I don't have anymore reasons for slacking off.

No more vacation until summer.

Promising interview

2010-02-06T16:14:00.003-05:00

So the postdoc interview I had on Thursday went well, in my opinion, I think NPPI thought so too. He sent me the grant (very early this morning) he just submitted with projects he thinks will best fit my 'skills'. We're going to meet in the coming weeks and discuss the projects ( I really like this lab and the research is what I want to do and what I want my research career to focus on) over coffee and then decide since we are both at the same institution when I'll give a talk. It looks promising he seemed impressed with what I said and the discussions we had.

Keeping my fingers X

The snow finally stopped but when it'll be cleared up no one knows

Stay warm folks

2010-02-03T16:52:00.002-05:00

My first interview is tomorrow and new potential PI (NPPI) invited me to go with him to a seminar on the main campus (I'm on the medical campus). The topic is not that exciting to me but it may open a couple of doors for collaborations especially if I get an offer to join this lab. I like this lab so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Excuses Students Give..

2010-01-25T14:55:00.002-05:00

I will in a future post share some of the excuses my student gives for not showing up to lab to do the work required for him to complete his Masters degree in May. He's been gone on holiday since Dec 30th and came back last week for one day but had to leave to go for grad school interview so today he really needed to be back to get the ball rolling. Instead here are the two emails he sent (I don't know why he keeps sending them to me, I've told him many times to toughen up and stop acting like a baby).

Email 1 @ 9:48am
"There is a leak in my apartment complex and hence the water supply has been shut to fix it. I woke up some time back but I cannot brush or have a bath. I will come to lab as soon as I have access to water."

Me: no response

Email 1 @ 1:02pm
"The water supply started now...but I don't think I want to come to lab. I will see you tomorrow..

Me: no response

What to do???

2010-01-17T12:56:00.004-05:00

Things have not been going as I would have expected them to go. My PI is being a complete douche and that's being kind. Despite what the powers that be have said ( thesis committee, program director etc), he may not allow me to graduate this year. According to him we don't have enough and philosophically we wouldn't want to put anything int he dissertation that we wouldn't publish.
The main thing to note about this lab and him is that although we have literally millions of $$$ at our disposal we produce NO real work, no papers ,well at in least the past 5 years, and apart from one paper ( and that was mainly due to pressure from our collaborators). He's been on lots of papers but only by himself. Despite going to lab and working my ass off for the last 6 years and having been told I have more than enough to publish a couple papers, I HAVE NOTHING and this ass is going to make me miss the last deadline for submission of graduation documents.
At this stage I have one of two options:
1. Get a job or post-doc position with a definite start date.
2. Have my program director and thesis chair over rule this ass and have them sign off on everything so I can get my PhD and move on.

Right now I went with the first, I have a post-doc interview the first week of Feb and it's exactly what I want to work on. I was contemplating contacting this PI from last year but was not sure about 'inbreeding'. My program doesn't like it but people have done it (due to other factors), my two main factors i;s it's the quickest way to get out of this lab and my post chemo doctor visits are scheduled into 2011. I don't want to move far away and would have to take time off to come back to this city for check ups etc.
So I think I may give this a try for a year or two and then move on, I also wanted to take the patent bar exam which I have on schedule for later this year. So much to think about and so much to do but for the past few weeks every conversation with my PI has left me depressed and defeated. I shouldn't let it get to me because I should be use to his passive aggressive behaviour by now.

2010-01-09T22:56:00.002-05:00

Why did I go to grad school???
I keep asking myself that question, last evening my PI came to my desk, the first time I was watching Jersey Shore with a tech from the next lab (love this show) so he didn't dare come and interrupt me ;). I mean it was 5pm on a Friday he was lucky people were still in lab. Anyway he came back later and ask me what I was doing ( I was really listening to music; my desk is positioned so that you have to come right up beside me to see if I'm there or what I'm doing) I told him I was working on some stuff.
So as a favor to him last year I made a transgenic mouse and after a year of laboring over this ( it could have gotten done a long time ago but he got on my nerves a couple of times so I dragged it out) I finally have screened founders :) :) making a mouse is hard especially when it has nothing to do with my own work. But it worked!!!!!!
The things I do for my PI, I should be earning a 6 figure salary, there are post-docs in my lab who have never isolated DNA or cloned anything WTF??? 3rd year grad students (2 of them) who can't do simple RT-PCRs or set up appropriate mouse crosses yet they are TAs for a genetics course. How does this school screen it's students, I swear, it's painful being in this lab 99.999% of the time and we are supposed to be one of the top med-research school in the country.

Anyway back to the convo, I told him about the things that I completed (as requested by thesis committee) and a big chapter I was working on, I'm almost finished compiling the results section. We did two big screens which flopped but I intend to look at the glass as half full, anyway he's not said anything about how we should present it so since I'm the one who needs to write this dissertation I sorted the data and complied a couple of tables, figure panels for one gene we interrogated and decided to generate some quick results to pull everything together. He was pleased and seemed impressed with what I did, then his hands started to shake as he was looking over some results (I kid you not my xanga friends) and was flustered with little beads of sweat on his forehead, I think he had a panic attack. He said he's excited to see what the quick analysis will produce.
Then he dropped a BOMB
PI: I read the dissertation abstract and it was very well written
Me: I'm happy
PI: But I can't think of content right now
Me:
PI: Have a nice weekend
Me:

WTF!!!! does this jackass not know we have a March 26 deadline looming. If I miss this I don't graduate until 2011(which I won't be here for), what does he think I've been writing this dissertation for, all my chapters are started, two are almost done. This man has not contributed anything to this process, no discussion, no suggestions, nothing and then he's telling me he can't think about content right now, THAT WAS THE POINT OF THE COMMITTEE MEETING. Well it's good that I actually have a brain and know how to use it.
I swear....... it's a good thing I've applied for a couple post-docs but I need a real job.

Help I'm losing my mind.

2009-12-03T15:31:00.002-05:00

Still trying to get this dissertation written, my final thesis committee meeting is in two weeks and I'm so excited. I can finally start planning what I need to get done, where I'll go from here. I plan to officially leave at the end of September, so I have little under a year to get my (academic/professional) life in order.

My mentee (Master's student) is driving me crazy, my PI has dropped the ball considerably. This is his student not mine, I'm not a PI and all the things he should be doing to make sure all this kid's requirements are fulfilled is being left up to me. I knew he would do this and this was the primary reason I was against taking on this responsibility. But since he made me look like I was a horrible person for not wanting to do this in front of my committee, I decided to do it.

I intend to get a chapter or two done before the winter break so PI can read and I can work on something else.

Productivity Jealousy

2009-10-30T21:18:00.003-04:00

I've noticed a level of jealously between the post-docs in my lab (actually two) and it's funny but annoying at the same time. PD1 has been in the lab for almost 3 years, PD2 (with whom I'm on the paper that is officially ACCEPTED) has been in the lab for almost two years.

PD1 smooches off other people, talks her way out of everything, is lazy, makes herself seem intelligent, had a baby (I'm not against this) @ start of the year (thus took time off and since then takes random days off and usually does half days), complains alot and loves to gossip. No posters (well one but it was someone's work who left the lab and she inherited the project, all she added was one pic of a fish model-that was not even made by her) and no papers (from our lab or via collaborations). PI told her she has less than a year due to no productivity. Hasn't given a substantial lab talk in over a year and a half, she always seems to avoid showing her results. Passed on a request from PI to write a review for a journal he is currently editor of, now she's mad at another PD who PI asked. Her excuse and please, this is exactly what she said "I'm too busy with my baby so ask someone else" and she didn't even say it nicely, she seemed annoyed.

PD2 is a hard worker, although I didn't like her in the beginning she's proven herself worthy of my respect, she was the one PI gave my project to, is loud (high voice), stays in her bay, doesn't openly gossip, is nice and helpful. She's been to a couple of conferences, has a paper from our lab (good journal- first from our lab in a long time) and via collaborators. Doesn't really take time off , just regular vacation like everyone else because she's always in lab. PI wants to keep her. Has been gone since last week.

Yesterday PD2 talking to Asst. Prof

PD2: PD1 is still on vacation, I think that's too long, she shouldn't be gone that long.

AP: giggling.... I know

What was that, this woman does practically no work at all so much so PI had to give her an ultimatum and she had the nerve to say that. I was offended for PD2 because she's such a hard worker but I held it in because it was not my place to say anything.

2009-09-27T12:20:00.002-04:00

Entry will be in bullet form:

Writing this dissertation is proving to be a little harder than I thought, seven years of work.... what does the size of one's dissertation reflect? I've decided to start with the methods sections for each chapter, at least I'm sure of this part. My dilemma is to determine what is really dissertation worthy, I have to do that because my PI has avoidance issues. I don't know why he's ignoringthe fact that this needs to be turned in by March and I need to graduate in May and I need to find a job.
I bought a Macbook, is nice so far but does it have a 'home' or 'end' tab like a PC? So now I have two laptops, the Mac is for my travel and work.
I need to get garbage bags and some kind of meat for the week. I also need to clean and do the dishes.
I can't wait to graduate but I'll admit I'm scared at the same time, I don't know what I really want to do.
I think I'd like a job that involves travel but not sales.
I've been in the gym 3-5 times a week since August, the elliptical is my fave machine.
I extended my lease for another year hopefully by this time next year, I'd have graduated and have a job.
I have been meaning to get a haircut for quite a while.
I don't know why I've avoided watching 'lost in translation' it's really a cute movie.
My first paper got accepted.
A couple of weeks ago I went to NY for the first time, not really my kind of city. Too much going on, I like a much slower pace like the city I live in although I live in the county. But I'll go back for a day trip once in awhile.

First Paper

2009-08-25T09:50:00.002-04:00

My first paper gets submitted today (I'm the second author, on a project that was originally mine, that PI gave to a post-doc he met at a conference, while I was still working on it, while I was preparing results for my thesis committee, which I was told not to talk about in said meeting etc, etc)

Am I bitter? A little, I had worked for 2 and 1/2 years on this project and I'm not sure if I had mentioned it before had to show her how to do the cell/tissue prep, she used all my reagents, sequences etc. I felt an opportunity to do some really good science was taken away from me ( something that would have added so much to my thesis) without even the courtesy of an explanation. Then I was given a project that is and has gone nowhere, 3 people have been working on different aspects of "our special gene" for 4-5 years, we have no publications and although I have done a lot all the information sits in a database (the people that maintain it called us to ask if they wanted us to close our account). Everyone sees that we can use the info to put out at least one paper but PI is either disillusioned or uninterested.

It's a habit of his that frustrates my committee, now they know how I feel having to put up with PI on a daily basis. He's very difficult and as such is not a good student mentor, he's better mentoring post-docs and residents. I think that's why no more students from my program have even rotated in this lab. One of my friends (from same program) had her PI and lab put on probation. There is a total of 4 students from my program in there (different years) and no one has had a committee meeting yet. As students we have deadlines set my our programs to adhere to but these PIs think they know otherwise, well I guess this is what happens when you don't follow the rules.

Dissertation

2009-08-11T23:39:00.004-04:00

I have exactly 7 months to write my dissertation, have it read, approved and submitted on heavy wieght acid free paper to the university before I can graduate next May. This is the dissertation my PI happily refers to encyclopedic and despite not having any publications (yet)... (totally his fault) will be a great and valuable contribution to our field. My thesis committee wants at least two papers in addition to the one they told us to write 3 years ago from my work. I have held the belief that we should publish as soon as something is done so as not to get scooped but does this man learn from his mistakes or listen to others. Sometimes I think he's crazy and people in my program have asked if he has a brain tumor of some kind (which would explain his behaviour). Sadly I tell them no.
Anyway I have started writing because I know time is running out.. here's what I have so far completed:

Outline - done
Abstract (3-4 pages) - in progess, this should be done by the end of the week
Introduction
Chapters 1-4 - each containing; background, methods, results, discussion and possible sub-chapters
Summary of scientific findings and a statement of how this will contribute to society/mankind.
CV - done (although it's constantly being updated)

Once I get the abstract done, I have to start drafting a manuscript for the paper I have done a lot of work for and my committee wants to be written but my PI does not think it's important. Another professor offered to be the senior authour on it for me, so I have to get that going.

2009-08-08T17:21:00.002-04:00

I was in the supermarket recently and saw how ridiculously Rachel Ray's EVOO was, almost twice the price of the imported stuff. It was a funny orange color, if the price didn't turn me off the color sure did.

Yesterday I threw a goodbye 'Sundae Sendoff' for a summer student in our lab, I mostly taught him basic lab stuff and since my PI is not very good at stuff like this I thought it was appropriate. It was a rare occasion that everyone in our lab was present (well almost everyone) at anything besides lab meeting. Lab meetings in my book do not qualify as social gatherings, and since I've been in this lab for a very long time, it seems my PI expects me to come up with 'things' for us to do. And over the years I have become the lab photographer, PI never has a camera and his iPhone isn't all that. Frankly lab is boring, it's bench to desk to lunch to meetings to bench to coffee shop to desk to home.
Our institution (medical campus) is not in the most (well the least ) friendly/pedestrian part of the city. People literally do not venture out unless it's to get to another building that's not connected by a sky walk or underground tunnel, or they are starving and did not bring lunch. The other part of the med campus is too far to walk and the shuttle runs sporadically and it's just vast and lonely, on the other hand the main campus (where the undergrad is) is people friendly, has lots of activities etc. This also requires a shuttle ride but they have a B&N , a Starbucks, a museum and many other attractions.
Sometimes I feel that the grad students on the med campus maybe missing out from the 'grad school' experience and the other grad population because we are so far away. Different groups at med campus try to relieve this loneliness by having a variety of activities etc but this too is far and in between. Frankly our campus isn't designed for social interactions, it's all work. I think labs should have fun and PIs as the bosses should make sure that their employees are well rounded. I know people have outside activities and hobbies but we spend so many hours of the day Sun-Sun with each other, we should have fun stress relieving activities.
I hae recently instituted cook/bake-offs in our lab, people get to flex there culinary skills and the rest of us get to enjoy, this Monday it's suppose to be a curry. we've had cakes, brownies, cookies and even my PI participated and it's been a lot of fun.

What do other people do for 'lab fun'?

2009-07-05T21:46:00.003-04:00

I'm off to Barcelona tomorrow, I'm really excited and spent quite a bit of the weekend getting some final things together. So the new poster printing place I found really did a fantastic job the images are to die for. A lot of great people are lined up to speak at this conference and although I've heard some before I'm still looking foward to their presentations. The only thing I may find difficult is to not get too tired as things tend to be scheduled later than other conferences I've been to. The post-doc who is presenting too and happens to be from Barcelona says that's the way the Spanish do it. It should be fun, I'm excited in visiting the old world (as I was taught in history).
I had my thesis committee meeting on Monday and it went very well, so well that the committee recommended preparing at least 3 manuscripts, but as always my PI isn't really on board. My chair realized that my PI was being very hesitant on many things, which he doesn't see as a problem. They nor my program director are going to let my PI prevent me from graduating in May, because come hell or high water I will be walking across the stage next year.' Everyone thinks something is going on with him, it's either why does he act crazy to why does he look like he's dying. I think a week away from him will be beneficial for me, although it's not a vacation per say it will be time away from the lab.

2009-06-29T06:14:00.002-04:00

It's been a whirlwind of activity over the past few weeks from social engagements to lab work 24/7. As a result I am extremely exhausted and can't seem to think straight, my 'final' thesis committee meeting is today at 2pm afterwhich I have to finish up my poster for Barcelona and give it to my PI for him to look over. I found this new place at school that prints posters at a much cheaper rate than the usual place, hopefully I can submit it tomorrow and get it back before Friday.
I 'm going to take a day off to run all the errands that have been neglected due to my living in the lab. I have to go to the back, get some travelers checks, go to Walmart or Target, do laundry etc. I'm so excited for Barcelona, it's my first oversees trip and what I hope will be the first of many.

2009-06-16T23:31:00.000-04:00

What scientist am I? Watson & Crick

You like to solve the practical part of the experiments. Mostly you’re interested in the molecular mechanisms underlying all biological processes. You think that the living world functions essentially like a clockwork. One day we will figure out the function of all its parts and the mystery of life will finally be solved. But you also know that the machinery is so incredibly complicated that we will not run out of work very soon!

2009-06-01T00:47:00.002-04:00

What will hopefully be my last committee meeting is less than a month away. I've gotten a good chunk of the presentation done, I just have to polish up and arrange the slides and add some new ones. Proposal needs to be rewritten, I'm not sure how it works for post first committee meetings but some classmates write up a check list for each aim/goal. I have to get cracking on this too and send it out a week before the meeting. I think at this stage it's up to me the student, not my PI to convince my committee that suffiecient work has been done and the goals achieved and thus I'm ready to move on up and out.
Next on my list of things to do is to start poster for Barcelona and begin my job or post-doc job search. Is it too early to start? I've updated my CV so I'll take a couple with me to the conference and hopefully someone will show some interest.
Today we have journal club and I have not read the paper yet although I've had it for like 3 weeks, I also have to re-organize my mouse rack because our lab manager makes a mess of everything.

2009-05-27T10:35:00.000-04:00

I've started assembling slides for my thesis committee meeting, I've outlined my dissertation (D) again but I'm stuck. I don't know if it's "writers block" or the realization that "the light is indeed at the end of the tunnel" (May 2010). I want to start writing my D by doing the abstract but I can't come up with a first sentence.

2009-05-23T17:34:00.000-04:00

I am not meant to be a teacher/professor, why can't my PI/Advisor get that through his thick balding head. A few weeks ago when I went to discuss setting a date for (what I'm praying will be my final thesis committee meeting) he asked me what I wanted to do when I got my degree. I said the first thing that came to my mind, I wasn't thinking about this at that moment and he'd never asked me this before so I was caught off guard. At the end of our conversation he said I think you'd make a good teacher, I said "I don't think so because I know that's something I won't be good at. Explaining something to someone is one thing but teaching someone is a huge responsibility and I know I won't be able to do that." Then he says "Well I think you would" and I replied I don't really think so.

A little background about why he may think so, this past year I mentored a student from an inner city high school and she did very well. She would come to lab a few times a week and I would 'teach her biology' as the experiments were progressing. People commented that the project was extremely difficult for an high school student, especially one from this school but I didn't think so. Anyway in the end she did very well and even wants to go to college, she won 1st place in the Biology division and was the overall winner at a state science and engineering fair, which allowed her to go on to the Intel International Science and Engineering Fair that was held in Reno,NV a week or so ago. She then went to another conference in another state and placed third over all and our institution hosted a symposium and she also won for best oral presentation. I AM EXTREMELY PROUD OF HER but that DOES NOT mean teaching is my calling. I don't feel comfortable doing it or want to do it. Although I must admit he was really surprised that I was able to do this (which he mentioned to me a couple of times) and at just how well she did.

Then rolls around this week, my PI took in a new Master's degree student he did not ask me to 'teach' this guy anything. He asked me to think about having this guy help me with my project so that in turn he can learn stuff. I said "No, because I'm preparing for my thesis meeting and it now crunch time, and this project is at the point where we are about to really get stuff done." then he proceeded to bring up stuff from years ago which had no relevance at all etc. and guilt me into doing this. I told him no, I hate whenever I don't share his opinion or disagree with him he tries to make me feel guilty and worthless. I think it's definitetly time for me to leave this lab, I can't take this passive agressive behaviour anymore. I want move on to something that has rules and boundries for it's employees, I don't think the lab environment in academia is for me. I'm not his child therefore I don't have to do what he tells me to do, I can think and make decisions on my own.
I'm in lab now working on thesis stuff helping friends prepare for their up coming orals exams.

2009-05-17T19:54:00.000-04:00

Deep down I am a developmental biologist at heart, I've sat through countless lectures and seminars on many different topics in biology. Yet only dev bio gets me really excited and my brain goes non-stop with all the things I would and could study, if I were to have my own lab. Now that I am about to graduate and am comtemplating what I want to do with a PhD. My career could go in any direction; stay in academia, go to industry or take a path less traveled and do something completely different. There are many things to ponder, many things. I have a thesis committee meeting coming up at the end of next month, a week before I go off to the conference. I have been looking at my original proposal for the last couple of days and have only managed to change one word, splenic to slpeen. I really need to get cracking.

2009-03-12T15:22:00.001-04:00

Why am I in science? the answer to this question may remain a mystery to me. The answer may never find. My PI is official crazy and should go on a holiday and leave me alone so I can get my work done in peace. I hope to be done by my the start of summer next year, man isn't that a long time. I can only hang in there get my work done and try to entertain my self.
I'm currently training for a marathon and doing volunteer work (my true passion).

I'm also doing a Novel challenge as I eluded to in my last post. I think this may satisfy challenge # 9 but I maybe wrong.
I volunteer once a week in an English as a Second Language in an advance class. In the advance classes most people already have college degrees, some with Masters and even PhDs. This class usually doesn't have volunteers and I see why, there is not much to do. The teacher directs the class and there is not much else to do as in my class there isn't much conversation. Yet I feel I can help whenever they need it.

2009-01-27T15:31:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite author's passed away, John Updike. he produced a great body of work during his lifetime and one of my favourite books is "Gertrude and Claudius". I love to read, when I was growing up I never appreciated books as I do now. Since I want this blog to be not just about the trials and 'joys' of my PhD quest but about the other things I enjoy, I will share from time to time other aspects of my life.

This is the book I'm currently reading "Black Girl in Paris".
I'm still working in my abstract for the Spain conference, I think that once I'm done I'll at least have some direction to this project.

I signed up for a 2009 Mini-Challenge- A Novel Challenge

today it should be interesting I wonder if they have these in the sciences too, I think it would be interesting and fun.

2009.25

2009-01-25T14:34:00.000-05:00

I should be in lab right now but I haven't left my apartment yet. I have so much to do it is beyond ridiculous, but I'll go in later and try to get some stuff done.
I have an abstract due by Feb 26th for a meeting this summer in Spain, I'm so excited. Theer is another essay I have to write as a part of the application packet for a three week course on mouse development that I want to take this summer. The Spain conference is only for 4 days, plus an extra 2 for travel, then there is a two regional developmental biology conference that I want to submit an abstract for also. I intend to make use of the last year and a half I have left in graduate school, and since a publication is no where in my future (soley the fault of my advisor), I want to a least show my work at as many conferences as possible. I think this will be a very good year.

2009.18

2009-01-18T03:18:00.000-05:00

I had a talk with my advisor on Friday after I gave the lab talk, which was short and went fairly well. I only talked about date from one of my two main projects, hinted on worked ongoing for the other one and for another small side project.
I had wanted to have a thesis committee meeting at the end of February but my advisor prefers to have it in April, I don't mind but it's been two years since the last one and my graduate program director is hinting that I [and others in my class/the 6th years] need to start thinking about wrapping things up with in the coming year. He also forsees me graduting in Spring of 2010 [6 months longer than the previous estimated date], he is always adding on six months for reason unknown to me. Well this should give me some extra time to do some stuff I want to do [a few non-science related internships] while I'm still getting paid and have a very flexible schedule. Now that one project is almost finished I can focus more on the second one, I want to get some data so that I can send in an abstract for a meeting in Spain this summer. The post-doc who 'stole' my project [currently hers] suggested that we go together since I worked for two and a half years on hers and my current project overlaps hers somewhat.
Well I hope to be productive this year and get stuff done, I was amazed as was my advisor of how much I had gotten done last year while I was undergoing chemo etc [which was about 5% less than my usual output]. I was proud of myself.

2009.3

2009-01-03T13:31:00.001-05:00

Well the new year is already @ day 3, what the hell. I have not done anything yet but shop. I should go to lab today and get some stuff done I want to have a thesis committee meeting in March, they know I have done enough to graduate, the only one not down with the program is my PI. Then hopefull they'll say I can defend in Dec, that's what I want for 2009.JCPenny has the best new year/ post-christmas sale of any store up to 70% off. I got 3 handbags for $15 each with a savings of over a $170, now that's a steal. I didn't do any shopping this season, except for a few things I picked up in SF, I didn't buy anything for anyone so I spent money only on myself. Is that selfish? I don't think so, I didn't get anything.For 2009 I want: (1) to defend and get a job (2) to embrace my 30th birthday and (3) be cancer free....oh and of course world peace.

Taking a new direction

2008-12-28T22:06:00.000-05:00

Back from SF, the conference was great I learnt so much, the city well what little I got to see was great (it rained everyday I was there and it was so cold, not at all what I expected), the shopping was fantastic. I definetly have to go back soon.The only puzzling thing was there is a tax for everything, is it only SF or the entire state of CA? what little pics I took will come soon.
Well my friends it's official I have one year let in grad school, I just hope my PI can get his act together. Before he left for the holidays on Friday he gave me a hug (very unusual) and said "next year will be a good year for you", I hope so. There are so many things I want to do by Dec 2009. I got an invitation to apply for a grad student symposium at another university, I have to get my paperwork together and submit.
I'm doing a little pre-end of year cleaning, getting rid of clothes I have not worn all year, bags and such. I have laundry to do, bathroom to clean etc.
It's frigid outside today brrrrr........
Well everyone stay safe and keep warm and have a Happy Holiday!!!!! and a Better New Year!!!!!!

2008-12-18T22:49:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile, since then I have completed my six months of chemo and will find out soon if I am cancer free.

First Night

2008-06-01T12:25:00.000-04:00

Thursday was a very long day, today I got the full treatment Rituxan and ABVD. It took four and a half hours total. Later that night I got really ick and thought I was on the verge of dying. Friday I began taking the precriptions downing almost 400 pills every month is not that appealing but I'll just have to suck it up. I had a minor procedure to have a Mediport placed in my right side of my chest Wednesday, it wasn't that bad I was a wake for it and was asking the surgeon a few questions. I haven't had any pain except some discomfort when I was trying to sleep, but now I don't even feel it in there under skin with a tube that runs up to my neck and then loops towards the left and is inserted in to the subclavical vein (I guess I can't remember) over my heart. You can see it just pulsing away if you look at it or I look in the mirror. So now more sugeries for the rest of the yeat (keeping my fingers crossed) just chemo and it's effects and trying to live the best happy little life I can.

The start of a long journey

2008-05-24T09:04:00.000-04:00

1. My bone marrow is CANCER FREE!!!!
2. I made it through the first of my 12 chemo sessions on this R-ABVD treatment plan.
I'll try to give a very brief overview, yesterday I was hooked up to an IV for 6 hours. The Rituxan wasn't that bad at all usually you have allergy like reactions during the infusion at which point it has to be stopped, wait until the side effects go away and them it's started again. side effects can range from mild cold like symptoms to air ways closing up, luckily I only had a mild reaction; an itchy throat, which then felt like a sore throat, some sneezing and coughing. It flet like I was getting a cold. It lasted for only 30 minutes and then I was fine. I was given very strong benadryl via IV and when I had the reaction. My nurse MH was very surprised that I didn't even get drowsy from the benadryl. I had no further side effects and had no trouble during the nightNext week will be very busy, I have to have another surgery to have a port placed under the skin of my chest, then I have a chemo class, and then a very long day when I get R and ABVD together for the first time.